Warrior’s Machete

In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song as a tribute to the courage of the producers and actors who broke such incredible creative ground when they made their agenda-less movie. Serious. Until I saw Bendover Brokeback, Braveheart was my favorite movie. But the love scenes of Brokeback sucked me right in and I had no choice but to give myself over to the passion of its wide open range, if you get my drift. Such courage this young man and his colleagues have. Reminds me of the courage of classic movie stars, where during the War they enlisted and flew bomber planes and fought on frontlines, then came back and picked up their lives and careers right where they left off, without anti-American sentiment, whining and complaining, or self-destructive self indulgence. I’m equally inspired.

Apparently, Leather Hedger had sleeping troubles and anxiety and dealt with terrible mood swings. So do soldiers but they don’t self-destructively fuck up their lives. In fact, they don’t sleep, handle anxiety and mood swings while dealing with whether or not they might at any moment lose their life. And they do this all the while they are dangerously protecting the freedom of others to fuck up their own. By the way, how many 28 (or older or younger) year old soldiers met their death yesterday? It’s not easy to find out. None of them made the headlines of any news.

By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. After all, Leather Hedger did what it took to kill himself. His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery. Hogan, on the other hand, won’t go quite that far. He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children.

It is sad and tragic….that we don’t demand attention be paid to greater things.

Many have inquired to know whether this is legitimate, or not. Yes, it is. They inquire because, ironically, there have been more Ultimate Warrior frauds and wanna-be copycats than any other wrestler since the times of Milos of Kroton. I don’t know why, really. As you know, I’m not too brave or bold when it comes to having opinions. And the last thing I would ever want to do is be controversial, or worse, confrontational. Oh, how I hate that. Just the thought of it turns me into a big old scaredy-cat. You just don’t know. My oh my, how my 3-4 hours of sleep each night would be absolutely wrecked if I knew someone was upset by anything I had to say.

However, if I had to guess, I would say the desire for anyone to embody Ultimate Warrior (or me while they are not in gimmick) probably has most to do with my sports entertainment career’s illegitimacy and that the persona was nothing more than a flash-in-the-pan. After all, unsuccessful, boring and uninspiring people and personalities have historical reputations for sustaining an unique and magical, worldwide, public interest years and years after they are no longer around. Yeah, that must be it. That is exactly what drives so many to want to be it and keep yakking about it all these years later. Ultimate Warrior was never anything and is still nothing now. Beating a dead horse? Perhaps. But it seems more reasonable that critics would simply admit IT was a Thoroughbred they simply can’t kill.

You have to have heard and seen it by now. There’s an absolutely sick-looking and sickminded Ultimate Warrior Wannabe (UWW) puppy in New Jersey. He even signs pictures of my painted face and glorious physique, not his own. In fact, his wife (”Warrior Princess” as she calls herself when arguing with fans who let her know, “Your husband ain’t the real Ultimate Warrior”) sleeps with my picture. That’s right, “a” picture, just one. Apparently, she told a friend that sleeping with more than one would be just too much for any woman to handle.

He claims he’s channeling me, the one-and-only and original Ultimate Warrior. But, hell, that can’t be right. I mean, come on, I’ve had a Self Destruction DVD produced on me by those (liars) claiming they knew me very well. And not even in that fallacious production by these former family and friends was the portrayal of self destruction on the outerspace (or is that myspace?) level this guy has taken it to. And these frauds who created the DVD are pros at making crazy bullshit up! Nope, just ask all my former colleagues in the business. They’ll tell you. This guy from NJ can’t be channeling me. He’s way over-the-top with his brand of self-destruction. He’s over-selling it. Although, if you ask me, if Vince really wanted the project done right, he should have hired this guy to produce it, instead of buying off all the lying hanger-ons and burnt-outs he used. At least this NJUWW has true self destruction down.

An officially served Cease and Desist has been ignored. Let’s see though, Dominic, if you can find a way to ignore the stiff judicial yank you’re about to feel around your neck here as the rope you’ve been running out comes to its end. By all means, wear my gimmick to Court so we can all have one final laugh…at your expense.

Someone wrote after seeing some video of this guy: “This isn’t going to end well.”

No, for one person it isn’t. For another, all always ends well.

Anyway, the One-and-Only will see you at Wrestleslam February 9, 2008.

Your Founding Father of Ring Intensity,

Always Believe,

Warrior