Withdrawals…

I’m having withdrawals. It’s been a full three days since I last offended anyone. Hatemail to me is like the best performance enhancement doctors can no longer legally prescribe. I was thinking of how to keep my veiny, skin-tightening pump going and get my fix…and as if by destiny (we believe in that kind of thing around here) an article to help me keep it and get it magically presented itself.

Are you fat? Are you, like that grotesque blob in my last post (“love is blind and blubbery…”) wanting true love but haven’t seen your sex parts since you were an infant?

Well, I’ve some bad news and some good news.

The chairman of the International Obesity Taskforce wants world leaders to agree a global pact to ensure that everyone is fed healthy food. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7250608.stm)

That’s right, fatboy, the government has its sights set on taking away another freedom- your freedom to feed your face ass self whatever you may like. Frankly, although I’m a guy big on having the government get the hell out of our lives, I happen to be quite alright about fat people losing this freedom of theirs. If you can’t keep yourself out of the Dunkin Donuts and other lard-laden junk food joints, then you should have to wear a tracking harness (the ankle bracelets skinny, unfed prisoners use won’t fit) and when you make a move to keep acting the pig you are, law enforcement steps in and muzzles you.

Freedom comes with responsibility and anyone who lets their mouth expand their weight to this kind of blasphemous, ungodly heft obviously doesn’t get how the two work with one another. So in the interest of the self-disciplined humans of the human race, your freedom to further abuse your responsibility must be taken away. After all, you are endangering the rest of us. You are potentially killing off mankind. How’s that? Well, as this article somewhat tries to point out, putting forward the idea that obesity must be fought in the same ludicrous manner idiots are suggesting we combat climate change. What they really mean is that the flatulence of fat people contributes more to global warming than either cows or industrial capitalists (i.e., those who will subsidize the universal health care plan we will inevitably have because of those who don’t take responsibility for their own health to begin with).

Of course not, dimwit. The writers of the article don’t say exactly that. They can’t. What, has the congealed bacon grease of your arteriosclerosis also started to coat the neurons of your fat-suffocated brain? Who doesn’t know, media people can’t just call a fat ass a fat ass, anymore; if they do they will likely get sued for discrimination. That’s why you have me. To fillet the prime pieces from the ambiguity. Jesus, they just don’t pay me enough for this job I do. And the lack of appreciation… forget about it.

Another fat person expert, Professor Rena Wing (fat ass herself, you betcha) says, “The obesity epidemic won’t go away simply because people switch to skimmed milk from whole milk.”

No, it won’t. But I have the solution. Instead of stomach staples, use mouth staples.

Your Founding Father of great, non-fat, lean and mean muscular, 8-pak health,

Always Believe,

Warrior

Comments
6 Responses to “Withdrawals…”
  1. rick says:

    Sometimes you gatta pick on the weak to make them strong.

  2. Warrior,

    You write about the dimwits wanting universal health care and the like- it makes my blood boil just thinking of where we are right now as a country.

    Good read and I also enjoyed your video, looking forward to you posting some more!

    BTW- Tell me if this article “Angry White Man” hits you as ringing true to your own opinion(s). I won’t “spam” your blog with the url, but you can visit my site to read it or do a search in google for Angry White Man by Gary Hubbell, Aspen Times.

    -Tom

  3. I am a bit torn on this subject, not because i’m fat, rather the opposite in fact, i am thin, but at what point does freedom with exception become OK, just because it affects one’s health? In the case of banning cigarette smoking from public restaurants that do the majority of their business from food sales, I whole-heartedly jumped on that bandwagon, because i hate smoking, and yet, i still think it is a violation of civil rights. Who gets to decide where and when we as americans can smoke? For that matter, who gets to decide what we get to eat and what we don’t get to eat? An adult has the right and the choice to eat what they want. If stupid people want to eat themselves to death and pass that lifestyle along to their children, let them.

    Of course, true freedom like this comes with a price. All the hemming and hawing over health foods and dieting, fitness foods and drinks, boosters and metabolic enhancers, supplements and artificial sweeteners, etc., all of these choices we have to make about our health and what we put in our bodies, how are we as consumers supposed to make accurate judgements as to what goes in our bodies and what doesn’t? And who’s to say that the government is qualified to tell us what is and isn’t? What is healthy choice today can be found to be an unhealthy choice tomorrow.

    That is just the tip of the iceberg, an iceberg I don’t care to argue anymore, because i have been discussing this iceberg as far back as I can remember. Bottom line, ALL food, should be allowed to be consumed, and at whatever quantity we want to. Should bad food be regulated? Yes. The american government should try and govern bad food to a point, and prevent dangerous chemical combinations from seeping into our food supply. Buyer beware!

    Hope that didn’t have too many typos or grammatical mistakes, Warrior;)

  4. Logick Bomb says:

    Oh, man. This irks me just thinking about it. We’ve got half of the country saying we need universal health care, and seriously. I’m 6 foot tall, about 180 lbs. I run, I practice mixed martial arts, and I haven’t had to see a doctor ONCE in the last 10 years. Obviously, I’m no warrior, but I’m in pretty decent shape. Personally, my problem with universal health care is that A: I don’t need doctors, so I don’t see the point in taxing me so everyone else can. B: 60% of the country is obese. How is it fair that they’re trying to force every american to foot the bill for people with type 2 diabetes, and other obesity related ailments? That, in my mind, is no different from forcing me to foot the bill for someone’s abortion. In the end they screwed up, they put themselves there, and I don’t think it’s any free human’s responsibility to foot the bill for that. I could go off on a rant about welfare queens having more kids than sense, but that’ll be saved for another time, but absolutely. If we’re even considering universal health care, as a society, I think stuff like this MUST be enacted. I’d love to see a body mass index limit on the free health care. When you’re that obese, you KNOW it will affect your health. It’s no different from a drug abuser wondering why his teeth are shot and his immune system is destroyed.

    How is this the responsibility of a free society, to take care of these people who obviously don’t care to do so themselves?

    To be fair, though, whole healthy natural foods are expensive. When you can go to mcdonalds and get 4 double cheese”burgers” for 4 dollars, considering the epidemic of laziness we seem to have in this country, how will you convince the masses to put down the artery cloggers and maybe make themselves some pasta that takes more work, and costs more? Obviously if someone’s diet consists of cheese doodles and mcdonald’s, they don’t care about taste, and if they’re getting as heavy as we are as a society they don’t care about their health.

    It all seems fairly lose-lose.

    Sorry for the rant. I’m often up in the air about agreeing with some of your points (which is part of why I come here, to be honest) but on this I think you’re dead right. If people can’t take the responsibility, someone should do it for them. Especially, in my mind, if we’re building a nanny state.

  5. Heat says:

    MOUTH STAPLES!!!!!!! LMAO, WARRIOR I LOVE IT!!!!

  6. Michael says:

    You know i do agree with you people who are fat, do create problems not only for themselves but for society as a whole. I mean sure they are to be blamed for it but there are reasons people opt to eat such fatty foods. I come from Australia and let me tell you healthy food is alot more expensive then junk food, more often then not twice the price. I think if the World Health Organization is to be dismantled as they do not pressure governments enough to regulate the amount of bad food in society today.

    You go to a supermarket store what do you see 1 Isle of healthy Fresh green vegatables and 9 other Isles full of fat junk food which has high sugar and suplements of that nature in it.

    It is disgusting!

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