When people comment on the progress I've made since losing Warrior I always express that I DECIDED to LIVE. I could have decided the opposite but I honor his last breath in every breath I take. It's true, there are things outside our power but more of our life is absolutely about the decisions we make. There's a list of things I CHOSE to do as I healed the girls' and my lives. I decided not to be bitter. I chose to hold gratitude in my heart. I CHOSE to be the storyteller he called to arms during his final promo on Monday night Raw. I decided his legacy should run forever, with his legion of warriors, pressing forward.
I think sometimes, how tired I feel. I think I want to give up and just fold into myself until I know for a fact I cannot. I know that I have been given the gift of you Warriors to carry on and that I should not contract, but rather expand...
On Friday night I went to Dr. Strange and felt awakened to possibilities. We are all called as warriors to tip the balance and push the limits of all accepted reality. I loved the challenge of the movie. It made me go deep within myself to require the arming of Warrior size power...it asked for suspension of reality and surrender to ULTIMATE belief.
I have not met my husband in my dreams for a long time so after Friday night to have him visit felt well over due. Mattie and I talked about the line spoken to Dr. Strange, "Death is what gives life meaning, knowing your days are numbered..."... So to dream he was lying next to me talking as we did for more than half of my life felt like life was whole again. I spoke to him of "silly"drama I'm facing in real time being unaware as I dreamed how quickly he would disappear. As I asked his opinion on something inconsequential in the bigness of my life he rolled his eyes and sort of huffed...he then playfully threw a white tee shirt, like you wave a white flag, and disappeared when it covered my face. I awoke believing it was his message to me...bigger issues are at hand!! Further, he was reminding me storytellers assigned to the Warrior Beat need to better arm themselves with true mental discipline--the ultimate equipping... I heard him and chose to pivot...that's what real Warriors DO... THEY PIVOT!!! They ACT!!..They do not passively react...they do not wait around for the path to clear expecting only ease on the road to the prize. There are those who falsely drape themselves in the Warrior name. To those of us who live the name it is a distraction and frustration, indeed. It is not our job though, to haul others along..it is our assignment to blaze a path where none was cut before. It is our assignment to be a light for those who embark on a journey and DECIDE to join our ranks.
I have DECIDED to wake every day and thank god for the gift of my life! I chose to persevere down the path that leads to the Warrior manifesto because doing less would disrespect HIM!!! I agreed with The Ancient one in Dr.Strange who said, "We never lose our demons, we learn to live above them.".
I believe we are given a destiny at birth. I believe the check list written on our to do list must be checked and is non negotiable. I believe a true Warrior DECIDES to accept the challenges of life head on. I believe it is a decision sewn into the warrior's armor to slay the dragons without complaint, or cowardice... ALWAYS!!!!